Pieces of Me

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

It was during the second verse of this familiar hymn that I lost control of my emotions this evening. 

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood

The accident has really consumed much of our life this week.  I'm frustrated because I'm usually not the person to mill around and be depressed.  I've been on medication for anxiety for a while, but I have never allowed myself to feel sorry for myself as an individual.  This week, I've tried to be strong for everyone in my family.  I feel terrible for being the one who got hurt and is now spending most of her time in bed, on pain medication, not taking care of the house.  Stephen has been amazing.  He just wants me to feel better - get better - no longer be hurting.  He's just been such a wonderful support in regards to taking care of the children and me. 

It was this evening when I realized, it's really okay for me to be so emotionally traumatized that I cannot deal with the things of reality yet.  Reality starts partly tomorrow when Stephen goes to work for the first time since the accident (and leaving the house).  Reality really starts on Tuesday when I go back to work, but I am still not driving.  I just cannot bring myself to get behind the wheel of a car.  I can't do it.  I'm more scared now than I ever have been of anything.  But I do have the knowledge that the Lord is going to protect me from danger.  He already has.  And I'm not talking the ultimate fight that Jesus fought for us.  I'm talking the little dangers of this world.  He protected Hannah and I from more serious injuries.  He's protected us from many things this week, and He will continue to protect us. 

Now, I just have to work through all these emotions, with Him.  I am going to keep my eyes focused on how much He loves me.  We're going to get through this.




Jannie Funster said...

I think what you are going through emotionally is to be expected. Go easy on yourself.

I remember once when a lady hit my front fender, nothing serious but still, I felt "all shook up" literally and afraid to drive again too. Was all shaky the first time back behind the wheel. Maybe just take a trip around the block or twice, when you do finally get back on the road. And you WILL get back on the road. And on the horse.


Traci said...

You'll get there!! Hang in there. XOXO

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