Pieces of Me

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Made to Crave—Chapter 7 “I’m Not Defined by the Numbers”

  1. When I feel like I don’t measure up, I either kick into withdrawal mode or “I have to prove myself” mode.
  2. If I could clearly hear God’s words to me throughout the day, I hope I would hear things like: “You are worth this Rose.  You are worth the pain and struggle that you are going through to get your body and mind healthy again.  You are worth every minute of time you spend.  No matter what though, I love you.  You’re not alone in this journey.  I am with you every step of the way, just remember to lean on me.”  As far as food and weight issues are concerned, it would be nice if I could hear him say, “Put down that soda and grab your water.  You don’t need that chocolate.  How about some fruit?  It’s okay that you are stressed, but why don’t we have a talk instead of you reaching for that junk?”
  3. I know that I have everything I need from God in order to overcome my struggles with food.  I know that with all my heart.  But I don’t always believe it.  I’m still learning to completely and totally depend on Him during even my biggest struggles.  If I could completely embrace this truth, I know that my relationship with food would not be the struggle it is every day.  And little by little, I know that changes will be made and I will win this battle.
  4. How do the numbers on the scale impact my self-worth?  In all honesty, even though I tell myself it’s not a big deal, I am devastated when the scale doesn’t move in the direction I am working for.  It breaks my heart to work so hard for something and not experience the results.  Often times I forget that regardless of the scale, as long as I am really committing to the changes I am making, I will eventually be at a healthy weight.  It’s not going to happen overnight.  I cannot yet make the statement, “I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the number as an indication of how much by body weighs and not as an indication of my worth.”  I know that my perspective is changing daily.
  5. Self-defeating thoughts or hurtful comments from others that routinely run through my mind when it comes to food and my weight:   This is a very personal and difficult question for me to answer.  Mainly because although I have a lot of support around me, some of those same people are also enablers or constantly trying to get me to take a break in one area or another regarding this journey.  Some don't accept that I have finally decided to completely give this journey over to God.  I know that when I turn to Him, He's going to lift me up and help me do what may seem to be the impossible.

I've made it all week without a single ounce of caffeine.  I've drank water, caffeine free unsweetened tea and a little diet lemonade.  I've survived mostly on water.  I'm proud of myself, but each day, I have had to actually pray to God to help me grab a bottle of water or actually help me walk to the fridge and get a glass of water instead heading out to get a soda.  The one thing I learned is to constantly have a bottle of water next to me.  First thing in the morning I fill up a bottle of water and start drinking.  Anytime I head to the kitchen, I take that bottle with me and refill it.  #1 it's too hot to drink anything but water, and #2 water is going to help me with my progress.  And it's going to help me stay hydrated.

But I digress, these same people who encourage me some days, try and get me to take a break, cheat, not worry about it on other days when it is convenient for them.  And at this very point in my life, it's not okay.  I'm finally sticking up for myself.  I'm NOT going to go to a Happy Hour right now.  I don't need it.  I probably won't do it once I've lost the weight.  I don't like the way alcohol makes me feel.  I choose to go to certain places at lunch during the week because I have my children with me.  With a 5 and a 7 year old, it is not going to be any fun or enjoyable for me to go hang out at a restaurant.  They are going to whine and complain about having to sit still, and I'm going to be miserable because I'm worried about how my kids are behaving.  I make these choices because I know they are what's best for me right now.  In a few years, my kids may be able to just chill out at a restaurant and not drive me and everyone around me crazy.  But right now, they aren't.  And I want to enjoy my time with whomever I am spending it and so I choose to take them to a kid friendly place.  I may wise choices when eating out.  Probably better when it's somewhere where I have to order my food and take it back to the table with me.  And right now, it’s even better if I just stay home and cook my meals! Smile 

When it comes down to it, now that I want this.  And want to turn to my God to help me achieve this huge goal in my life, I’m going to have to make sacrifices and block out things that make me uncomfortable.  I’m also going to have to face the discomfort.  I can’t face it alone, but with the Lord’s help, I will certainly be able to make it through.


    FreckleFace said...

    Hi Rose. I was online today looking for an example of a weight loss chart I could make for my hubby who has once again decided he wants to lose weight. Anyway, I stumbled across your blog and I thought I'd write you to say how inspiring some of your words were! I sincerely appreciate your honesty and outlook on things; especially how much you rely on God and also how much the 72 hr fast taught you about your walk. He is a loving God so I'm sure he is constantly whispering sweet nothings to us if we would only stop to listen. Well just wanted to say thank you for reminding me!

    ParasiteHost said...

    I so hope that you don't think I am trying to get you to cheat, but it has been proven, that when on a "diet" of any kind, if you do not allow yourself a treat from time to time, the "diet" will be more difficult than it should be.

    If you allow yourself 1 treat a week, it will give you something to look forward to, instead of dreading every day without something tasty, and only getting water and cardboard.

    When I changed my eating style, I allowed myself 1 soda a week, and 1 processed starch food a week. I lost over 50lbs, and didn't stray from my diet because of the treat I allowed myself to have. (and I didn't exercise)

    The idea behind it is, you shouldn't diet, ever. You should change your lifestyle. Then it isn't as dreadful when you think about it. You change the way you consume, and your daily activities. Once those things are set into place, you must allow for a treat here and there, or it once again becomes a diet, and you dread each morning when you don't get your coffee or your soda.

    I know you've tried diets before, and I know for sure I have. I've never been successful with a diet plan. The only time I was able to stick to it was when I changed my lifestyle, and started eating healthy, but allowing for goodies from time to time. That's the first time I had ever been successful in loosing a significant amount of weight, even compared to when I was on actual planned diets.

    Your attitude has a ton more to do with being healthy and loosing weight than you think it does.



    ParasiteHost said...

    Blogger ate my comment... gotta love it lol.

    I want to give you a little piece of what I've learned over the years of my struggling with weight.

    The last time I actually "dieted" I didn't call it a diet, nor was it a specific diet. It was a lifestyle change. I changed everything about my life, including my consumption.

    I, for the most part, didn't allow myself unhealthy foods. However, once a week I allowed myself 1 soda and one processed starch food.

    It's a proven method. If you deprive yourself of the things you so greatly enjoy, like soda, or the occasional burrito from Taco Bell, your diet will mentally defeat you.

    A treat gives you something to work towards, and something to get excited about. I'm not saying gorge on McDonalds and drink a 2 liter of Cola. Just, let yourself, every Wednesday afternoon, drink one of those mini sodas, sip it, make it last. Maybe have a bowl of mmmmmmm so tasty pasta with some low fat cream of some sort on it.

    Your faith is inspiring to me. I know that you will do this, and you will do it with the determination I know you have in you. But, reward yourself, stop constantly punishing yourself for it.

    This method lost me over 50lbs, with no exercise.

    Rose said...

    I'm not dieting. . .and man that post was from a long time ago. . . right before the truck mess. . . . Stephen and I are trying to make a lifestyle change. But because we have been eating so poorly, it's a HUGE change. I learned that diets don't work a long time ago. But it also takes commitment. Soda is like crack to me. Well, I think it is (I've never tried crack). And it's not even soda it's Coca-cola. I had part of a root beer yesterday and I am fine. I have been drinking water. Thanks for the tips though. I will get through this struggle. Food has been my addiction and where I've turned when stressed out. Exercise is now an outlet for me. A healthy outlet. And I'm thankful for that :)