Pieces of Me

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Made to Crave–Chapter 9 “But Exercise Makes Me Want to Cry”

  • You know, a long time ago exercise made me cringe.  It wasn’t until 2005 where I actually enjoyed exercising.  After I had lost all my weight, I wanted to maintain my loss so I started swimming.  Mom took Hannah for me on the days/evenings that Stephen worked late and I headed to the local pool and spend 30-60 minutes swimming laps.  After having Cayden, I was too exhausted to exercise and then never really made the time to do so.  Two years ago (2009) I decided I wanted to run/walk a 5k.  I started training and completed the 5k101 training.  I never could run longer than 12 minutes at one time and it took me 18 minutes to finish a mile running, so my first 5k time was 52 minutes.  My 2nd 5k time was 48 minutes which is a little faster, but I’ve never been able to run the entire time.  I endured a stress fracture and had to work my way back up to running, but this winter something inside me changed and I have to say that I love running.  It’s not easy.  But I love it.  And I can run 1 mile (and at the moment only 1 mile, I’ll work up to more over the next few months).  I can run an entire mile in less than 15 minutes (not much less, but still less).  I will continue running just one mile this week and then move on to 1.5 next week and then 2, and so on until I can run 6 miles.  I want to run in a 10k.  I am not sure how it’s all going to work out, but that is my goal.  I am not following any program and hope that once I can run for 30 minutes at a time it will only get easier (I can dream, right?).  Regardless, for a girl who once hated to do any sort of activity, getting outside and running is like a dream to me.  It’s my one on one time with the Lord and just some actual me time where I’m taking care of myself. 
    • I’ve been through lots of experiences that required faith I didn’t think I had.  This summer is probably the best example of that time.  I never imagined that my life would be turned upside down due to the irresponsible actions of one person.  Hard to believe that  6 months and 5 days ago a drunk driver crashed his truck into the side of our house.
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      Looking at these photos brings back feelings that I really thought were behind me.  I found something I wrote a few days after the accident, “We are very thankful for the Lord's protection during this horrible event.  We recognize how serious the damage is and know how catastrophic the event could have been, we give praise to God every day for keeping us safe during the actual accident.   I know the Lord is using this situation for His good, but that doesn't stop me from being human and stressing out.  One thing I will say is that many times we only feel God's presence (or notice it, thank Him for it) during the good times.  This summer, there has never been a moment when I have not felt Him.  His presence has been here and during this time, I have learned to enjoy His presence, even when things aren't going well.”  My relationship with my heavenly Father is stronger than ever.
      • There are many areas of my life where I feel strong.  Teaching children (music mostly) is one of the biggest strengths.  I know that I’m called to teach.  I cannot see myself doing anything else.  Photography is one of my hobbies and I’ve turned that into a partial career, but teaching is my calling.  And I’m so thankful.
      •  “Teach me your way, O LORD,    that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.” Psalm 86:11.  When it comes to my body my children and family obligations/commitments compete for my attention and loyalty.  There are times when I feel torn between the desire to honor God and the desire to be loyal to cravings and excuses for not exercising.  If my heart was undivided, I think life would be easier, but I don’t think I would be learning or growing.
      • Some of my time is within my control.  I have several responsibilities or obligations that can’t be changed, but I do have pockets of time each week that I can use for things I want to do.  Only recently have I started actually making time for exercise.  A few weeks ago something changed inside me.  I see how important it is to take care of myself.  And exercise is taking care of myself.
      (Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst)