In all seriousness, today was a tough day with the girl. She is trying to becoming more independent and in doing so, she is a complete terror when it comes to her treatment of me. It is down right hurtful. She tells at me, tells me I don’t understand, tells me I don’t love her, tells me she wishes she was the baby. All because she cannot handle it lately when I tell her no or disagree with her on some level. It’s insane.
No matter how I try to model Christ’s love, I just get angry. Just 5 minutes ago she started to tell me she was sorry. Trying to be the good and understanding parent, I asked, “What are you sorry for, Hannah?” And then, she screams at me. She can’t answer me (which is okay, and I would have gotten to that) so she screams at me. I cannot have her screaming at me – #1. Because I’m her mother. You don’t speak to your parents like that, but #2. Because I’m a person. She cannot talk to anyone the way she’s been talking to me lately, regardless of her frustration or anger at herself. She obviously knows she has done something wrong. I’d go as far as to say that she understands why it’s wrong, but she is like a toddler right now learning to talk. She can’t seem to express her feelings to me. I guess I need to pick up that book (Preparing Your Daughter for Every Young Woman’s Battle) and continue to read about what she’s feeling/going through/whatever. This evening, I’m just at a loss.
My sister-in-law posted this verse the other day, and I have been reading it daily and really struggling to model this way, “Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that” (Ephesians 5:1 MSG).
I’m not even going to get through this post.
Whole 30 Day #2 was fine.
Breakfast was 2 eggs and sausage and a smoothie that had spinach, cucumber, strawberry, banana, blueberry and blackberry. It also had a little bit of coconut milk and then some Capri Sun Super V (I was desperate).
Snacks today were granola and a 1/4 of a local larabar (won’t be doing that again, $4 for a bar is ridiculous). I also had a Almond Milk Iced Latte. I over did it on the Grain Free Granola. I also had an apple.
Lunch was left over Salmon from Thursday evening and Squash Medley.
Dinner was Fool’s Gold Chicken Nuggets from the Paleo Parents and green beans.
Praying that tomorrow is a better day all around.
Edited to Add: I went on a 20 minute, 1 mile walk with Cayden this evening. I’ve strained my calf muscle and a mile is as far as my body would let me go. Pretty disappointed, but I’ll get over it.
(On a positive note, we had some issues with a Blu-Ray player Stephen got me for Mother’s Day. The registration code was EXTREMELY offensive, and after many attempts of trying to contact them to let them know, we had success. All I wanted was an apology, but they are insisting on sending us a fun bundle that includes a new Blu-Ray player [mine has to go to jail LOL], some movies for the kids, and GET THIS, the newest model of Sony’s DSLR camera! The representative originally wanted to send us a nice gift card [I was thinking $50], but instead noticed in my signature that I’m a photographer, and offered to send me the latest camera. I’m overwhelmed with excitement! And very pleased with how Sony is handling the situation, regardless of the goodies we’re receiving.)