I have been really angry lately. Angry at my heavenly Father. I am still
really angry. I’ve never experienced being genuinely angry with God. Ever.
Not during what I believe were some of the worst times in my life – miscarriage,
stillbirth, death of loved ones, disasters happening around me. I’ve never once
gotten angry with the Lord. Not like I am right now.
I’ve said to many recently, I am so thankful for His grace and love because
right now, my faith and trust in Him are so small. Tiny. I almost feel like a
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt the love of my Father. I don’t doubt my
love for Him.
But this anger is eating away inside of me. Anger and disappointment. I
really feel like the Lord failed those I love deeply. Failed as a Father. A
Forgiveness is not an option right now. Not at the situation. I really
don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive.
Understanding is never going to happen. I will never understand why this has
happened and how it could have happened at all. I am to the point now where I
realize I have to stop trying to understand because it only makes me more
Acceptance. At some point, there will be acceptance, but I don’t have to be
happy with that.
Regardless of my anger, we have still be attended the Gathering on Sunday
Mornings at the Well to worship with those who love me and will continue to love
me regardless of how angry I am. Again, my feelings are valid.
Mary, dear, beautiful, sweet Mary, chose this song to be sung on Sunday. I’ve
heard it before. I’ve sang it before, but I really experienced this song - listened to the lyrics, and felt in my heart that everything will one day be okay. Is it okay now? Not really? Is that okay? I can live with it.
But most importantly, the ones I love who are experiencing even more gut-wrenching than mine? They are beautiful. In spite of everything. They are beautiful. And being made new. All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new You make me new, You are making me new
It's not going to be easy. It's not going to come quickly. Healing has to happen. Healing has to take place. Trust has to be rebuilt. Yes, even the trust I have in my heavenly Father.
I am a part time working mom to two beautiful children, Hannah and Cayden. I am married to my best friend. It is my prayer to capture the blessings we have been given from above into cherish-able moments.
Breaking Free by Beth Moore Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp Preparing Your Daughter for Every Young Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge